Nervous breakdown

I think today I set a record.

Every semester I usually end up having a nervous breakdown, usually right before a big project is due. I'm not quite sure how i end up this way, it must be the power of negative thinking. The best way to describe how these instances of shear panic and terror happen is best explained by the slippery slope effect (a common campaign strategy for the radical right in this country, but that is for another blog).

According to Wikipedia, my source for explaining everything, the slippery slope is one of the classical informal fallacies. It suggests that an action will initiate a chain of events culminating in an undesirable event later without establishing or quantifying the relevant contingencies.

Or simply put, I become intimidated by something, and being the perfectionist I am, freak out. I over analyze the situation and all that could go possibly wrong if one project does not go right.

The couse of thinking usually follows this pattern:

"Why am I spending a grand to take a class where my first project is folding paper? I have to have this class to take the next one. What happens if I do not understand the project? What happens if I fail the course? What am I going to do with my life, because for three years all I have wanted was to go to school here, and get a degree in architecture."

I have calmed down now, and realized that by the end of this semester I will either become the best possible version of myself, or an alcoholic with lung cancer (from all the stress smoking). I'm putting my money on the first one, and going to attempt to not think about the second.

I set a record for the first nervous breakdown in a semester, after one day of classes.

Roommates

Where do I begin?

I have been living in this nice spacious two bedroom apartment for about a week on my own. I like the company of other people, but going into housing blind is always a nerve wracking situation. There are several possible outcomes, and I am hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.

It seems awkward to be completely finished unpacking, and pretty much living in a space when someone comes in with all their boxes, I tend to avoid it because I'm not a fan of confrontation of any sort.

In all honesty though, it hasn't been too bad so far. Sure there have been a few bumps and unexpected surprises, like one of my new roomies just coming in the room while I am typing this blog, the other deciding to room with me, unpack and completely move her stuff into another room, or hoping I do not get stuck with the semi-quasi foreign roommate who seems to be quite mysterious. Through all of this I am just going with the proverbial flow. It seems there is nothing else I can do.

I've also been through this before a few times.

So here's to hoping roomie no. 1's boyfriend keeps making a great breakfast when he stays the night here, roomies no. 2 chooses my bed room to share, and to hoping they all don't thikg I'm an alkie when they open the fridge and see how much beer I have in it.

My new apartment

Well, I moved in on Tuesday, that was in experience in and of itself. I'm sure everyone is aware of the concept of Murphy's Law:

"If there's more than one possible outcome of a job or task, and one of those outcomes will result in disaster or an undesirable consequence, then somebody will do it that way"

Or simply put: "Anything that can possibly go wrong, does".

Apparently my mothers cat picked my move in day to get a kidney blockage. My mother loves this cat, refers to it as her son, and on more than one occasion has said shes leaving everything to it. Nothing out of the ordinary, most people form attachments to their pets. So, she decides to take the cat to the vet, I understand, I'm not completely heartless.

She returns home, and lo and behold her shrubs are halfway cut, and she literally throws a fit and is stomping and throwing a massive tantrum outside of the house on the sidewalk. All quite entertaining to see a 47 year old woman loose her damn mind, and incredibly embarrassing at the same time. My father shared my thoughts on this as well.

After my mothers spectacular display, and being delayed a few hours, we finally packed up the cars and drove to my current housing accommodations. I have a nice two bedroom apartment, and am currently waiting for my roommates to move in on Sunday and Monday.

As with most new places I have found a few problems here and there. My least favorite one is the lack of an Ethernet port for my desktop, and that my coaxial out put does not work, thus leaving me with out any entertainment until yesterday. I'm still waiting for maintenance to come and repair my cable, yesterday I picked up my school issued laptop, and have internet since the whole campus is wireless.

The building and the room have character though, so the next eight months of torturous studio and lab classes may just be bearable.

Summer Jobs

I love summer, to me it has always been the nice four month reward for killing myself in studio, physics, and math classes during the year. Although around the end of July I realize something, I hate working crappy retail job after crappy retail job.

This summer I decided I would work at Macy's, that was a mistake. Everything started out fine, I was getting 20-30 hours a week, some of my co-workers were pleasant, management seemed tolerable. I realized how ass backward the store was about mid way through June (it took me a record 6 weeks). I was dumbfounded by the lack of intelligence people seemed to have in my department, here is a small example:

co-worker "How long have you been in school?"
me: "I'm going on my fifth year, and I'm transferring back to a private university"
co-worker: "Wow, so are you going to live at home"
me: "No I'm living on campus because gas is outrageous, and I spend a lot of time working in the labs on projects"
co-worker: "How do your parents afford all of that, I mean shouldn't you be done by now?"
me: "I get student loans, and work part time usually. I changed my major, so it's taking me a little longer."
co-worker: "Oh, I didn't know you could do that. I always thought you had to me rich to go to college."

Seriously? I didn't know how to react to that, I almost died laughing, almost. Then I realized why I hate summer jobs, here I am in a department where everyone has at least 20 years on me, and stands around and asks me stupid questions.

Today is my last day at Macy's, which means no more stupid questions. I also, will not have to deal with the clueless floor manager who expects me to open 9 charges in one day, have incredible sales, clean out fitting rooms, and keep the sales floor clean, all while providing "outstanding" customer service by myself in the coat/ swim wear part of my department that I always get shoved in.

Oh yeah, today is the One Day Sale. At least they are my making my last day in hell count.

blah blah blah first entry blah

Four years ago, I was sitting in my room anxiously awaiting the big day that I moved out of my parents house and into my first college dorm. The day that I was finally an adult, I could do whatever I wanted, stay out as long as I wanted, and drink like a fish (if I so desired to).

Here I am four years, two schools, countless crappy jobs, and a change in my major later. About to move out again, and enter the big world of on campus university living. For some reason I almost feel like I'm 18 all over again, waiting for the big day (that day I ended up getting high and drunk at a random frat party with my roommate at the time). Hopefully this time I'll actually end up being at the school where I will finish my elusive bachelors in interior architecture.

I'm not your ordinary college student, I over think everything, and I'm the most contradictory mix of procrastinator and workaholic you will ever find. I'm sure everyone can relate to that though.

So this is my life, and its pretty random.